Fast Foward TWO YEARS

Well, a whole lifetime has gone by since my last post. So much has happened since that last post when I was so happy to have moved into our new apartment two years ago now.
To begin with, the Cancer came back in Aug/Sept. The details of everything that happened, including losing my job over it, will come in another post. Today I don't feel like reliving the horrible details just yet .

Today is a happy day. I am a volunteer at CPMC, the hospital where I spent so much time as a patient. Everyone there was so nice to me from the doctors and nurses down to the people who cleaned the room each day and brought the food trays. They were all so kind.

I don't know why I have survived two attacks of Cancer. I don't know why so many members of my own family were not able to survive their cancers and I am still here. I have no answers but thought I would begin to search for the reason by volunteering at the hospital where I was treated so well and maybe I could give back some of the kindness. Along the road somewhere, maybe I would find out what I am supposed to do to earn the "survivorship".

Today is an especially happy day. After volunteering for a few months, I have become a part of a brand new program called "Oncology Peer Support Group". This is a very small group of only 6 of us, all being cancer survivors. Thomas had lung cancer, Pete had a tumor behind his eye and I don't remember the name of his cancer, Leslie had breast cancer, Shelly who is the youngest in our group being only in her 30's had colon cancer and Candi had Nasal Pharangeal (sp?) cancer. We had three meetings of three hours each to orientate all of us into the new program. We had speakers, staff members and counselors all helping us in what will be our new task. That new task is to visit with Oncology patients in the hospital. We will talk with them and listen to their fears, concerns, questions and feelings. Of course we are not supposed to give any advice or medical opinions, just to be there and let them know we care.

The fact that we have all been there, done that will be good for them. We are all over one year out and represent survivors which the new diagnosees will be happy to hear from if they are like I was at that time.

I wasn't supposed to start until next week but I got a call from the volunteer coordinator Alison yesterday who said there is a patient on T3 (the node where patients get the new BioTherapy instead of ChemoTherapy) who wishes to talk with someone. I was happy to agree to go in today and see her. This will be the very first visit between a Peer Group volunteer and a patient. I'm excited to be the very first.

Since I lost my job, I learned a lot of new things about myself. One of those is that I am capable of, but thoroughly enjoy making jewelry !!! Who knew??!! I read about a program at a children's hospital in Oregon where they have these large colorful beads that they give out. A bead is given to a child who has to have a test, blood drawn, some other procedure or just is having a bad day. After a while, the beads are all strung onto a necklace for the child to wear. I got the idea to tweak that a bit and I made some bracelets (25 so far) out of memory wire for my patients. I also made a business card sized message to be included into the bag with each bracelet. The card reads:

This is your Bravery Bracelet. It is my gift to you. Each bead represents the challenges you face, the strength you have, the bravery it often takes just to get through the day, the wisdom to make the right decisions and the trust you placed in your caregivers. It also represents the colors of life so precious to us all.

I will also include a card with my name and phone number and email address for anyone to contact me if they need to talk sometime. I am hoping that will help some of them. I am going to make some bracelets with a little less color and less loops so the men will feel more comfortable wearing them too!

Later posts will bring you up to date on the recurrance of the cancer and other details since my last post of two years ago. I just didn't want to go into that today because it's such a nice day and I didn't want to go into all the ugly stuff just yet.

June 19, 2005

Have been lax in posting for the last few months.
We have moved! We found a new apartment just a few doors up the block from our old one.
There rent is $300 less and we have a real kitchen.
The living room and bedroom are a bit smaller but the bathroom and kitchen is much better than before. We are happy here and still feel it was a good move for us to make.

The software conversion is still a challenge at work. The guy we had been working with quit his job and now we have a new person who is a lot different than the first one. The program is just not working the way it should and it is really a sore subject.

Lisa got a new car. Not new, but new to her. It's a 2003 Honda Accord. She came up yesterday and showed it to us and spent the afternoon with us. I think she's unhappy with me because of the way I've not held back my feelings out her situation. It's my opinion, she's my daughter, I love her very much and I just have a very uncomfortable feeling that she is not in the best place she can be right now.

Today is Father's Day. I plan to call my two sons in a bit. I know Kelly won't be out of church for a while and I don't know when is the best time to call Todd.

Today is probably a sad day for my kids. I know they miss their Dad a lot.

A Special Thursday

My day was spent working with a software specialist who is implementing a complete software conversion in our office. This new accounting system would have been a challenge to me 30 years ago! At my age, learning new things is sometimes difficult at best. But in the last few days, I feel like I have finally achieved some level of comfort with this new beast.

The day was long and very busy and concentrated all day. We accomplished a lot though and it was gratifying to get a few problems that had been sitting on my desk for a while resolved. I had gone out for a few minutes to the bank at lunchtime and bought 6 rolls of quarters to resupply our "quarter god" at home. We use them for laundry and I usually just get a large number of them at once. I also stopped at the candy store next door to the bank and bought Wayne some hard candy to carry with him in his cab. He likes hard candy and I like him !!! I had just walked into the bank to get the quarters when he called me on my cell phone. He asked me where I was and said he was just down the street. So I walked outside and here he came with that beautiful smile of his and we went for a little ride! How sweet of him to do that. It gave me a nice break in my day.

Between the six rolls of quarters and the large bag of hard candy, my bag was very heavy going home that night. After a long, busy day, carrying an extra heavy bag made me even more tired.

But then when I got home, I placed a phone call that made the whole day brighter and somehow even confirmed how wonderful life really is. This was Caitlin Rebecca Lowery's third birthday and I had meant to call her all day and just didn't manage the free time to do so.

But now here I was sitting relaxed in my home and talking to this sweet little girl all excited about her birthday. Seems she and mommy and a girlfriend and baby brother Josiah all went to Chuck E Cheese for lunch. She had pizza, oh boy! She also had "cupcake birthday cake". I asked her if she blew out some candles and she said "yes, like this" and I could easily visualize what I heard, her putting her lips together and blowing to show me how she blew out the candles. In the background, I could hear little Josiah adding his two cent's worth.

It was such a wonderful thing to hear that small little voice so excited over her day. It made my day just melt into her exuberance. I no longer felt so tired, I forgot about carrying the heavy bag home on the bus, I forgot about the disappointment when Wayne met me at a building down the street where we were supposed to look at an apt for rent and the manager didn't show up, I just wallowed in the sheer joy of that child's voice.

For just a brief few minutes, I felt like I had a soft cuddly warm blanket wrapped around me and it just felt sooooo good. Miss Caitlin had a terrific birthday and now she's "shree years old" !!!

Guests at Your Dinner Party?

The age old question that has been discussed for many years still intrigues me.
I am hoping everyone who reads this will answer the question and leave some really great posts.

If you could have any 5 people, living or dead, at your dinner party, who would it be and why?

Think about it........family? celebrities? religious figures? philosophers? military leaders?
Who would be at your table and why?

Our Neighborhood

There are some great people I see frequently in our neighborhood. Although I don't know them except to say hello, they are the fabric of what makes the neighborhood quilt.
First is our building manager, Ann. She is a delightful person, just about our age. She has had rough times in her life but always has a bright outlook and smile on her face. She is a very helpful person and it's because of her diligence that we feel safe in our building.

There is a man we refer to as the "little general". He has a very boastful or cocky stride to his walk. He carries his cigarette pinched between his thumb and index finger holding only the lower part of the cigarette. He twists his wrist around to where the palm is pointing toward his face. His other fingers are open like a fan. It's hard to describe but odd to see. He looks like he could have been a Vietnamese general during the war and is inspecting the troops.

A little old lady walks through our neighborhood on a regular basis. Wayne has offered her a free ride in his cab but she always insists on walking. She walks with a walker and always wears the same old beat up hat, the faded pink/beige coat and shoes that are very old and worn. She is bent over and it's an effort for her to look up to speak. She has a very pleasant voice and once told me on a gloomy overcast day, "isn't the weather nice today". She seems to be a very positive person.

Then there are the coffee shop guys. Every day there are two guys who work for a tile contractor who sit in front of the coffee shop across the street. Nothing much to say about them except that the older one has a great voice, very deep and clear. There is a third guy who is often there too. He doesn't work at the same place, but has some strange traits. He smokes, or almost smokes cigarettes. He holds the cigarette and rocks back and forth, sipping on it like you would sip a hot cup of coffee. I don't like to stare so I'm not sure, but I don't think the cigarette ever actually gets to his lips. Not sure if it's a nervouc tic or what, but he smiles and says good morning and seems like a very nice guy. His clothes are a bit worn and he always wears the same jacket, but I don't think he's homeless.

I will post again with other "pieces of our neighborhood quilt".

The Golden Gate from a different angle. This picture taken by my favorite SF Taxi Driver! 

Alcatraz 

Baby Bassetts !! 

Cable Car - Bay Bridge in background 

Success

He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men, and the love of small children; who has filled his niche, and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty , or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others, and given them the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction. - - - Bessie Anderson Stanley (Prize-winning definition in a contest sponsored by Brown Book Magazine, Boston, 1904)

One Woman's Opinion

This is great theatre, this City we live in. There is so much life here. Life in all colors, shapes and sizes. I love this City. Let me show you why.